{4} Chasing Away The Heavy Heart: THE PAST SHOULD SIMPLY STAY IN THE PAST

"THE PAST SHOULD SIMPLY STAY IN THE PAST"

I am rubbish at taking this piece of advice strongly enough.

40% of my thoughts are based on dwelling on my past and the future.

A complete waste of time.

I thought maybe I should compile a list of steps for myself as a reminder that the PAST is called the PAST for a reason.

"Past"

adj

1. Gone by in time and no longer existing.
2. No longer current; gone by; over.
3. Having existed or occurred in an earlier time.

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My (hopefully helpful to myself at the very least) list of ways to stop yourself dwelling on the past:

• Remind yourself that no matter how many times you think over past memories you cannot change them. They are done. Finished. Over. A closed chapter.

• Write it down - grab a piece of paper and a pen and let the words flow. Sometimes I have noticed that writing things down gives a sense of closure, that you are set free from the past because it is no longer in your head but rather safely down on paper.

I can also guarantee you that if you give poetry a shot in those moments, you will end up with a masterpiece of a poem that you will be proud to have written.

• Remember that everything that happens is in your Qadr, it was predestined, so do not kick yourself over it - just learn.

• As mentioned in a previous post, keep yourself busy!

• Try to work out why you are still dwelling on the past. Is it because you have left a problem unresolved? Why not try to fix it. Is it something someone has said to upset you? Or has there been a misunderstanding? If there is a solution to the dwelling, go ahead with it. Better than drowning yourself in it.

• Think positive - At the end of the day, you are the one in control of yourself, you are the only one that can decide if you want to be happy or not. You decide if you want to dwell on the past or not. Your choice. 

• Tell yourself 'enough is enough' - when you find yourself over-thinking the past, you need to be able to put a stop to it straightaway. Being mentally strong e.g. thinking positively, will help you put an end to the dwelling.  

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Obviously everyone spends some time stressing over past events and so forth, you just have to know when it is becoming unhealthy if for example, you are spending endless nights awake over it. But you should definitely know that there is always someone who will listen to you if you need to let it out, and if not I totally encourage putting it down in words.

Let's hope that I take this advice on board fully or else I am being absolutely no help to myself, got to always keep striving till the end!

P.S. I like how the above quote puts things into perspective, that today is what really matters, the 'now' is when you can make the changes you want to make, and that the past cannot be remade in any way.

Random Musings Of A Girl Finding Her Way: Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn.

I have this weird 'thing' for personal mantras. I really like mantras - REALLY like them. I think it might be because I spend a lot of time in my head and I am constantly pep talking myself. Mantras always come in handy!

A mantra worth keeping in mind:

"Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn."

This quote strikes home.

I always find myself to be the loser in situations. It is more to do with the fact that I think and feel that I am the loser - it does not have to be someone directly pointing me out as the loser.

This usually results in regret.

Deeply ingrained regret over whatever happened.

Then comes the 'what ifs' and imagining scenarios as to how else I could have handled the situation without ending up as the 'loser'.

But what if I am not the loser?

Not everyone can be the winner. There has to be losers.

Though maybe 'losers' is not the word I should use. Maybe 'learners' is a much more positive word.

Even if a situation does not go your way, or you lose out on an opportunity, or you make mistakes - know that you are not a loser, you are simply a learner.

Everything can be learnt from. There is no point regretting. Keep learning and learning. Just call it a learning curve. Each lesson learnt will make you stronger in character - obviously if you learn from the mistake in the first place.

Take it all into your stride.

From now on I need to stop regretting, and get learning. It may make a massive difference.

"Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn."

Let's all be better than the 'losers' that truly lose, and instead be 'losers' that learn.

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5 Things I Wish I Knew At The Start Of My Teen Years

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I still have a few more of my teen years left to get through, and I actually do not want them to end anytime soon.

But there are definitely some things I wish someone had told me about being a teenager beforehand.

Any sort of warning would have been good!

Well, I can also say that the experiences I've been through have enlightened me in so many ways that it gives you this feeling that you can take on anything. Maybe not anything, but ya know, stronger in an emotional sense.

Anyway, onto the main post...5 things I wish someone had told me at the start of my teen years:

1. People come and go:

I think this applies to everyone generally and not just teens. People will come into your life, you will care about them, they will mean something to you, but before you know it, you begin to drift and they have somehow become a complete stranger to you. It happens, it always does. Just don't let yourself dwell on it too much.

Also, during this time you will gain and lose friends. Some stay, some go - again, this just needs to be accepted and never let yourself hurt over it too much.

2. Do not listen to the haters:

This does not mean literal haters (that would be scary). There will be people who will talk crap about you, but DO NOT let it get to you. I cannot explain the number of times I have over-thought something negative someone has said about me. People will say things - but guess what, people always do and they are not worth it AT ALL, especially if it is said to purposefully cause you pain.

People can be mean, words hurt, but build a wall against it - ain't nobody got time for negativity!

3. Smile through the pain:

I cannot count to you the number of times I have sat in my bedroom and thought things like 'I hate everything and everyone', 'I don't want to do this stupid school work', 'why is my life sooo difficult' and a whole load of other ridiculous and irrational thoughts (I kind of still do, but MUCH less.)

No matter how tough things get, giving up makes it worse, because as soon as you do so, every burden falls onto your shoulders heavier than before, and this time it will keep growing.

Work through it one step at a time, find support to get you through it because sometimes it's difficult to tackle problems on your own. And sometimes, stop for a second while you're in your negative trance and think things through logically:

     Number 1 = IS YOUR PROBLEM SOLVABLE?

     Number 2 = TAKE MENTAL NOTES ON HOW ON EARTH YOU CAN SOLVE IT.

     Number 3 = TAKE ACTION AND MAKE THE CHANGE (I used to be lacking in this step but I'm working for my betterment!)

     Number 4 = MAYBE YOUR PROBLEM IS SIMPLY JUST AN OVERREACTION (this is me ALL THE TIME, 80% of my so called problems were simply silly when I think back to them now.)

4. Grab the opportunities that come your way!

This is one I regret not doing enough of in the early years, but I am trying to do that now. There are skills I could have worked on that would have helped me in this moment in time. Maybe trying out debate club which could have helped with public speaking, learning first aid, trying out a new sport for fun and a whole lot more.

And FINALLY...

5. You are YOU:

Please don't try to be a copy of someone else or waste time trying to be like everyone else. There will be people that you will click with and others you won't. It's pointless changing yourself for others, cause trust me, it takes a whole lot of effort to change.

I have been there, done that. I hope to never do that again.

And make choices for yourself, do not let others.

You should definitely be calling the shots in your own life.

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Right now I'm really tempted to write a hundred more things, but I am sure this will get boring. However, I think I'll add a few quick and short side notes.

- Work hard but ENJOY yourself, create a balance so that you're not that wild chick that doesn't bother turning up for lessons.

- Build confidence in yourself.

- Discover what you love, definitely EXPLORE.

- Leaving things till the last minute is not such a good idea.

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I have gone on and on enough so I shall stop. I hope this is enlightening though, and is in anyway helpful.

Most of all, remember to make memories during your teen years, you want to look back and think how awesome it was back then.

See you in the next post!

Till then continue to strive.

2014: A Letter To Myself

Dear Myself a.k.a Me,

A whole new year awaits...

2014

The mantra for the transition from 2013 to 2014 has to be this quote:

Time to start a new chapter - and you know what, maybe this next chapter will be much better than ALL the previous chapters!

2013 has been a massive learning curve and a time of many firsts, many mistakes, and much weirdness. 

Now it is time to learn from every challenge faced, every mistake made. 

 → Notes to Self: 

• ALWAYS BE THANKFUL TO ALLAH - for the good and the bad!

• Prioritise, Prioritise, and Prioritise - or else you will start forgetting about what really matters, and what your ultimate goals are.

• Spend time discovering the beauty of Islam.

• Dwelling on the past is a BIG NO NO - Nobody got time for that!

• REMEMBER that YOU are good enough - do not spend forever comparing yourself to everyone else.

• The key to your happiness should stay in your ownership - NO ONE should be able to take it away or mess around with it

• NO REGRETS - everything happens for a reason so do not get caught up in 'what ifs' and all that crazy jazz.

• Put 100% effort into your work and you will see results - Procrastination (ANOTHER BIG NO NO)

• Go into 2014 with a positive outlook

• I can guarantee that there will be many more 'notes to self' popping up throughout 2014 - make sure to take note!

I hope for a chapter filled with happiness, love, care, friendship, devotion to Allah, discovering, learning, AND SO MUCH MORE In'sha'Allah. Ameen.

Lots of Love, 

The 2013 Me ♥

{3} Chasing Away The Heavy Heart: DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY

You know how they say, that the little things in life are what make you smile, well I am all for that!

Just for a moment, think back to a time when you were happy, or the simple moments you were happy in. 

Actually, scan through your mind and try to pinpoint activities/actions/events that you remember that had put a smile on your face. There must be something!

In my case, there were two things which would put a smile on my face.

One being reading - even though it did not necessarily mean it made me smile all the time, I can guarantee that when reading a sad book there were definitely moments I had tears streaming down my face. But those were the kind of tears I did not mind.

Another being writing!

So recently, I have tried to make time for these two things, anytime during my week that I can fit them in.

For example, writing this blog post is a way I can just go on and on about anything I want. Sometimes I write a poem, a very random one which probably does not make sense, but oh well, I enjoy writing it so that's what counts.

To make time for reading, I usually do my best to get studying out of the way first so I can just relax with a book, and even spend half a day during the weekend dedicated to reading.

Reading and writing are my little things in life that make me smile.

All you need to do is find your little things in life!

They may range from sewing, sports, drawing, cooking, baking, watching crazy YouTube videos, spending time with family and siblings, photography, drama and many more. 

And it does not even have to be any of those things mentioned above, even smiling at strangers could be enough to make you happy.

Find the little things in life and hold onto them. 

And ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS remember to thank Allah throughout all moments in life. Sometimes we can forget Allah in our happy moments but just work to change that. I am working to change that too.

I hope this post is helpful in some way or another, it's a bit all over the place but as long as it makes sense, all is good! This tip might not be easy for everyone but giving it a go would be awesome.

Till then, we shall all continue to strive. 

Image Source

To read the other posts in this series of sorts, just click on the label at the end of the post that says 'Chasing Away The Heavy Heart'.

Not The Key To My Happiness

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Once upon a time, a person walked into my life.

I cared about them, and I still do care about them to an extent. I can't really place a finger on the emotion that they made/make me feel.

At some points this person made me very happy, and at other points they made my world come crushing down.

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When you give another person the key to your emotions, you are bound to get yourself hurt. And I know this because, I did exactly that. I gave the key away without thinking twice.

I did it unintentionally. But I still did it.

I became dependent at that moment.

I handed over the controls of my happiness to another person, and in the process I ended up being degraded. Frankly, I came to a point where I felt both emotionally and physically degraded.

I depended on this person to help me decide how I was feeling.

And that was my downfall.

The person themselves may not have realised what they were putting me through, the way in which they could pull the strings to my emotions so easily. A better way to explain is that I was much like an on and off switch. When I was 'on', I was overly positive and happy. When I was 'off', I poured negativity.

After a long time of going through with this, I knew it was time to stop. It was time to take back the key which I had unintentionally handed over to another person.

So that is what I did.

Long story short - I got back what was rightfully mine: The key. I was not going to let someone mess around with my emotions anymore.

Moral of the story - The person was NOT THE KEY TO MY HAPPINESS. Simply put, a person cannot truly be the key to my happiness, and in the future I was not going to make the same mistake again. That person who had walked into my life had come as a test, it was my time to realise Whom to turn to for real happiness.

There is only One that can ever truly be trusted with that key and that is Allah. I understood that looking for my happiness on the path to Allah would bring me a peace that worldly things could never. In the times when I was hurting, I would pray that the person in my life would be removed, and each time I would feel relieved after supplicating.

Relieved in the sense that I could turn to Allah and let everything out.

During that time, I had beautiful and amazing friends to help me through. In a way they came as answers to my prayer. They helped me walk through with my solution and made me realise I could get through the worst of it.

Do not ever expect others to make you happy, do what makes YOU happy - and do it without depending on others. It sounds slightly cheesy but it is true.

You are a traveller in this world, a stranger. Just like everyone else. The people around you are there to walk along with you in this journey - but do not expect them to hold you up all the way to your destination.

I wanted to share part of my story because, honestly, I learnt so much - this post is only part of what this person taught me. They taught me things they probably never realised they even did.

I hope to someday walk past them in the streets, and maybe I will smile at them just as a sign of gratitude for what I have learnt from them.

Funny thing is, I have no idea if they would smile back. Maybe, just maybe they will. Maybe I taught them something too.

Allahu A'alam.

Till then, we shall all continue to strive. 

{2} Chasing Away The Heavy Heart: COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

"Life is prettier when we thank our Lord for what has passed, what has remained, what is to come."

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Some days I wonder why I am not thankful enough for the abundant blessings I have been given in  life.

Every day that I live and breathe is a blessing.

My loved ones are a blessing.

The eyes that I use to see are a blessing.

The ears with which I hear with are a blessing.

The hands and feet I have been given are a blessing.

My existence and everything around me is a blessing.

But when I think about it, I notice that I do not appreciate each and every one of these things enough. I spend so much of my time thinking and complaining about what I do not have that I am completely at loss when I realise that I have been blessed with countless wonders which I do not give a seconds thought to.

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What is Shukr? 

- To be thankful/grateful

- To recognise the generosity and kindness given to us by Allah (swt)

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When times get tough, I forget the blessings of my Lord. I let the pain overtake all the beauty that is around me. The sadness in some way blinds me from seeing the plentiful I have.

How do I remember to be thankful to Allah in my moments of pain?

Those moments where everything seems to be falling apart, what I do is get myself to list on paper my many blessings. You could make this a daily or weekly thing where you note down all the great aspects of your life. You could stick the list up and look at it every so often as a reminder.

Remembering Allah during the day (Dhikr) is another way to always have that constant reminder of your blessings. For example, even something as small as saying the du'a for before you go to sleep is being thankful to Allah. You are remembering that Allah is the only one with the ability to give and take life. That is being thankful!

Even just saying Bismillah and starting an activity in the name of Allah is acknowledging the kindness of your Lord.

بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ اارَّحِيم

A positive effect of being grateful in this way is that you are remembering Allah in most moments as well as pushing away the unwanted negative thoughts that want to evade your mind. 

I hope this is another practical way in which you can chase away the heavy heart. Counting your blessings is easy and simple, and there are endless number of things in life to be thankful for. Find them and be appreciative!

Till then, we shall all continue to strive. 

To read the other posts in this series of sorts, just click on the label at the end of the post that says 'Chasing Away The Heavy Heart'.